Good morning and happy Fathers Day.
It wasn't until later in life that I realized what my dad had done for me....much later. When you are a kid you just don't get it. You can't see the reasoning behind the decisions. As you get older, have your own kids, you begin to realize the difficulty that comes with the responsibility of being Dad.
We were not a touchy, hugger type family and many times decisions and life lessons seem cold and harsh.
Looking back and reflecting I realize what my dad was trying to do. He wanted me to have a sense of responsibility, a good work ethic, integrity and caring. While I didn't think so at the time, he did a good job in most respects. What happened once I left his care was my fault not his and unfortunately I find myself reflecting on my stint as a father with a much lower grade that my father had.
I have said before that I have two wonderful children and how very proud I am of both of them but it certainly wasn't my parenting skills that got them where they are today.
Many years ago, I gathered the family together on a holiday and apologized for my less than stellar behavior with everyone over the past years. Since that day, I have tried to make up for my lack of integrity and caring towards those individuals that I truly love the most.
Life had not tossed me when I went to the hospital with Mia as she gave birth to our children and the amazing feeling of love and the overwhelming warmth that you feel when you see your newborn child is beyond mere words. Then life gets in the way. Things happen and you do and say things that may change the course or direction that you had intended. It happened to me and I have no one to blame but me.
So here is another Fathers Day. I am proud and happy to be a father. I am pretty sure I could have done a much better job. One of my kids once told me, "Kids don't come with an owners manual. You did the best you could". Did I? Perhaps I am being too hard on myself but I do feel I could have done better.
It is a warm, overcast day here in Gold Bar after having rained most of the night. The knee gave me fits last night as I tried to go to sleep so I took two pain pills spread over two or three hours and ended up sleeping pretty well until 5 am when I could no longer stay in bed.
We will help a neighbor with an issue with their trailer and then be on our way home sometime early this afternoon because it is back to work for both of us.
Looking forward to the day.....