Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas And Some Catch Up

I have been very busy with the search for new employees (haven't found any), trying to get the department straight, and taking my new set of medications that are supposed to help me with my outlook (can't say they are working yet).

One of the happier times for me occurred yesterday when my grandson Zach and I went on our annual trip to the North Pole to help Santa deliver much needed Christmas Spirit to some very lonely and helpless people who live among us.  As each year progresses it becomes more and more evident that our economy isn't getting the job done.  We expect to go into the poorer neighbors, the hood, the ghettos but not affluent areas.  Yesterday we went to just such a place and found a family (the whole family) living in on house and barely making ends meet.
The North Pole and facepainting

Leaving the North Pole

One of the crews waiting to leave

Zach investigates our truck

Our Shuttle Connect with Santa and Head Elf

Santa and Head Elf

Our Crew

Zach unloads the truck

Zach with our crew of lovely Elfs

More of Zach and the Elfs

The truck

The gentleman in charge of assigning the delivery trucks didn't take in to consideration where those trucks need to go.  We ended up in the south end above Seattle in some of the most narrow streets you could imagine.  The people in the Connect Van said there were moments when they thought I wouldn't get down the street but we did and we made it safe and sound.  Well, Zach was a little touchy a couple of times when I got really close to cars on his side of the street.  But all in all we did good.  Now, I just owe the joker who gave me this truck to drive.

As I said at the beginning there is really no progress finding a replacement guy for the parts department and the department is still in a state of chaos.  We got a little bit done, but it has been busy and we just haven't had time to do what really needs to be done.  I have been working long hours, six days a week and I seem to get a little bit done only to have something added to the list.  It feels like I go backwards every time I think I am getting ahead.

I went to the doctor for a followup visit after my little incident at work.  She said that everything looked fine except my platelet count was off so they retested me for that.  We had a long discussion about my current outlook and I took a short written examination and discovered that I, like a lot of my fellow human beings, suffer from depression and anxiety.  This came as somewhat of a shock to me since I never really felt I was depressed.  Unfortunately for me, I had a family member who was depressed, a lot.  Apparently all of the increased pressures, deadlines, commitments and such have rendered me unable to make responsible decisions about what I should or shouldn't be doing.  So now I have drugs.  Drugs that are supposed to change my outlook over the next 30 days to one where I don't feel like I am in a deep hole (even if I am)
and no way to get out.  I am certainly hoping it works.

Today we celebrate Christmas with family and friends.  I grew up in a Presbyterian household and in later life converted to Catholicism.  Don't ask me why.  At the time I think it had something to do with symbolism and my need to straighten my life out.  I think it worked because I did stop drinking and smoking but I became more work oriented than I was before.  Church was a big deal when we were kids until my mom had an illness and no one came to visit.  It soured her on Church and to my knowledge she never set foot in another Church after that incident.

I traveled away from the Church and then back at times when life seemed to be closing in and then I would travel away again.  Right now I am away.  I haven't been to Church for a very long time.  I question everything and wonder about the beginning of the world.

If you believe the scientist the whole thing seems to have began in a puddle of water with a single cell.  I guess you just have to have FAITH to believe that scenario because there really isn't any proof that this whole big world could come from a single cell in a puddle.

Then there are the religions of the world that believe that an all powerful entity is responsible for the beginning of the world.  I guess you just have to have FAITH to believe that scenario because, once again, there really isn't any proof that this whole big world was the handy work of the all powerful entity, God or whatever you choose to call it.

So where does that leave us?  Everyone must decide for themselves.  Some in my family think the second scenario isn't possible and there are some who believe the first scenario can't be right.  It seems in times when I am down and out I lean on the second scenario and when things are good, I walk away and move somewhere in the middle.  Still kind of believing as I wonder and question.  Then something in life slaps me and I slide back towards the religious side.

So here I sit kind of wishing I could believe in something on a constant basis instead of riding the fence all the time.  I have family who believe beyond a shadow of a doubt and I envy them.

Oh well, there you are.  I hope each and everyone of you have a very Merry Christmas.


  1. Ken - Your questions was the topic of the Christmas Eve Service at our church last night, entitled a "Case For Faith" . You can hear it at www.sotdaz.org if you are interested. I hope that you will find Christmas Joy this holiday season. Merry Christmas!

  2. Ken, I hope you find some peace. Merry Christmas!

  3. Ken, I have a suggestion for you. During 2013, why not act as if the second scenario is true? You are already doing that by helping out with the North Pole deliveries. Make this a year of exploring, listening to podcasts, etc, maybe even attending a few church services. At the end of the year, if the experiment fails, you won't be any worse off than you are now. Here are two podcasts that I listen to regularly: White Horse Inn with Michael Horton will be featuring the Gospel of John during 2013. I also recommend the Truth for Life broadcast with Alistair Begg. Let me know if I can help you in any way!

  4. The only time I experience true peace (though not necessarily all in my life is hunky dory), is when I am walking in a tight relationship with Jesus Christ. My peace does not seem to be dependent on whether or not I am going to church at the time. For me, it is all about the relationship. I will pray that you find true peace, Ken. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate your honesty.

  5. I'm like Jill, above. Going to church doesn't interest me most of the time, but I definitely believe in God and think he's traveling with me every day. And, Ken, I choose to believe this. I don't really care if it's not true - I choose it. Just like when you're married and they say to wake up every day thinking, I choose him/her. What can I do today to make his/her life better? Sometimes it's just a choice you make, then run with it. For me, it makes it true.

    Merry Christmas!!